Thursday, February 16, 2006
so much wen i wanted to smile fer all i can..it just fade away.yes.i kneo.its all challenges given by allah.and the reason why im still here breathing and strong in each circumtances is bcoz i tried so hard and believe tat my pain and patience will be paid off.
however,i cant..i tell myself.yes i can! yes i can! but nahz...im still crying alone.weneva i tried to,therez fer sure sumthing tat bring all my strongness down.deeply down to earth.
there's so many things that i've been wanting to say and done.but i cant.i felt like totally handicaped.no one tries to understand.
yesterday i had a hard tyme pulling thru.how much i wanted to be back home.no one can stay..even its fer a day,its still like a nightmare to me.i cant sleep.no matter how much i tried to be in my dreamland.i cant.but wen im soundly asleep i've got into a bad dream.soon,im back into reality again.
i wonder how much money have my parents spent on me.i felt so bad.bcoz its all my fault.yes my fault.i stuff myself wif chocolates wen i actuali cant have sweets stuff tat much.i stuff myself wif coke wen im eating my..arghh.i felt like abnormal person.serious.hate fer myself.
today i drank two bottles GATORADE expecting to gain my energy back.i look like a dead crops. i lost my voice.i felt like i lost everything in my life.hurhur..
today i declare myself as a salt.
"i jalilah bte hassan will be like a salt from today onwards and dissolve in a solution of pain.soon a white precipitate of my life will formed and thus it will be gone.place one drop of happiness and care.i will be back in reality."